How can I quickly become a good Jew?
Hello Rabbi, I'm a yeshiva student who has changed in the past 5 and a half years. My parents got divorced, and then my father was diagnosed with cancer. Two years ago, I left being an observant Jew internally. Even though externally, I wore tzitzit and a kippa, in private I transgressed the commandments and prohibitions, violated Shabbat, departed from a life of holiness, thought forbidden thoughts, defiled my eyes with prohibited sights, filled my heart with filth, barely put on tefillin. My heart was filled with despair and besides movies, TV shows and football, I was not interested in anything.
But last Friday night, when I got to the synagogue after a long time I hadn’t been there, I sat down and in a second I realized that all my life I was looking for the love of a father or mother and other people around me, and I never got it. But at that second, in the prayer welcoming Shabbat, I realized that there is Someone who loves me all the time and it is G-d. It hit me so strong, that on Sunday morning I went to pray at the crack of dawn, and right after that I opened my computer and deleted all the non-Jewish music, thousands of movies, hundreds of TV shows, content that I had collected and downloaded from the Internet for 5 years. I realized that I had deleted my life, that in one moment, I had made a decision to give up evil.
This week I prayed every day 3 prayers in a yeshiva quorum, and I downloaded Hidabroot’s films from YouTube and I am strengthening myself religious-wise. I want to ask how can I quickly do all the things to become a good Jew to fill the place of evil that I gave up? I feel I have to utilize my time better than I’m doing now. Can you advise me or even give me words of encouragement and reinforcement? Have a Happy New Year.
There is no need for words of encouragement for one who merited to leave all the impurity and filth and accepted upon himself the the complete yoke of commandments. There is no person greater than he, especially if he does so during the special days of mercy and favor during the month of Elul, when the King of the universe is close and receives all those who sincerely repent. You have already become a truly righteous Jew with one strong thought of repentance and a genuine desire to serve G-d. This is especially since your repentance emanates from love, since you decided to repent due to your understanding of G-d’s tremendous love for you.
You should ask G-d in your prayers for the ability to keep your newly redsiscovered level of purity and help you overcome the tests that may come your way, You surely have the level of a completely righteous person for whom all his intentional sins become merits, and you are full of commandments without any sins at all. Ask G-d for His assistance in staying pure and serving him. Fortunate are you that you are coming to Rosh Hashona as a complete penitent, and you will certainly be written and signed down in the Book of the Completely Righteous.